My eyes were right in front the tv but I wasn’t paying attention to what I was watching. My mind was drifting somewhere like it can wander farther.
The drama is supposed to be over. Long over. I thought I’ve made up my mind. I thought it was time to cross the bridge, let go and never look back.
But how can I do this task when thoughts of him follow me relentlessly? His image leads me towards bittersweet sensation. His words always run through my head.
It always has been this way. It seems that the more I avoided, the more I am drawn…I can’t throw him out from my system…I am wondering how long could this be like? When can it end?
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The Wait Is Over
It’s not as though I am expecting for some sort of a response, but I was hoping to find even a tiny hint.
Today, just when the least I expect it, I found it. The wait is partly over.
It’s no tiny hint. It is a big thing for me. A bucketload was just unloaded from my shoulders. I smiled in a sweet relief.
Praying, enduring patience…together eventually will earn its worth.
Benediction Rhyme
These lines from the Benediction of Rev. Lowery’s on Obama’s inauguration brought a smile not only to me but also to Obama himself and the rest of the jubilant crowd.
“Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around … when yellow will be mellow … when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen.”
“Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around … when yellow will be mellow … when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen.”
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Hanging by a thread
This is the metaphor of our company in the middle of the recession. How can a company live and survive without projects in a row? Even with contracts signed already, our clients are freezing the kick-off. Everything is put on hold...including our much-awaited salary increment.
As my boss said, the good thing is we are surviving. Our contemporary companies in the U.S. have already closed. But, how far can it survive? It's a question nobody can answer. No one can depict what 3 months, 6 months, even a year from now is up to. Everything is a mere speculation.
Although, I thought my boss is the most inhumane creature in the world after he told four people off-guard, 'This is gonna be your last day in this company', I realized he made sense. He did what he has to do as a measure for survival. After all, they didn't hire people to fire them anytime they want.
Well, this is beyond any genuis. And anything beyond that is beyond me. I guess, all we ought to do is wait and see.
As my boss said, the good thing is we are surviving. Our contemporary companies in the U.S. have already closed. But, how far can it survive? It's a question nobody can answer. No one can depict what 3 months, 6 months, even a year from now is up to. Everything is a mere speculation.
Although, I thought my boss is the most inhumane creature in the world after he told four people off-guard, 'This is gonna be your last day in this company', I realized he made sense. He did what he has to do as a measure for survival. After all, they didn't hire people to fire them anytime they want.
Well, this is beyond any genuis. And anything beyond that is beyond me. I guess, all we ought to do is wait and see.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A sad news
Jan. 11, 2009
The day I learned that four of my officemates have been laid off from work. I feel sad. It crushed my heart. I even cried from within for being so sorry for this horrible news. Well, the global financial crisis is not new to us. We have been hearing and been talking ourselves of the massive lay-off by a lot of even giant companies in Dubai. But, I just can't believe that it's penetrating now in our company...this soon. Months without project, forced annual vacation, no salary increase...who would, in their right mind, not expect this whole thing?
I can not be exempted from this. It's just that these four people happen to came in last, so they are to come out first. With projects still not getting in our way, anyone left awaits for their turn to be laid-off anytime. NOBODY STANDS ON THE SAFER GROUND.
I fear so much. It trembled everybody. Who wouldn't? Who would want to lose a job at this time where it is a pinhole to find a good one. But in times like this, I know where I can turn to...where it has been my refuge to find solace and security from this seemingly unsecured circumstances. For every single person has different circumstances in life at the same and varying times...that in the end, is worth thanking for why such circumstances happen.
I hang on to Him. I stand still about the future for it has been already laid upon His hands if we believe. And His promises are worth believing.
The day I learned that four of my officemates have been laid off from work. I feel sad. It crushed my heart. I even cried from within for being so sorry for this horrible news. Well, the global financial crisis is not new to us. We have been hearing and been talking ourselves of the massive lay-off by a lot of even giant companies in Dubai. But, I just can't believe that it's penetrating now in our company...this soon. Months without project, forced annual vacation, no salary increase...who would, in their right mind, not expect this whole thing?
I can not be exempted from this. It's just that these four people happen to came in last, so they are to come out first. With projects still not getting in our way, anyone left awaits for their turn to be laid-off anytime. NOBODY STANDS ON THE SAFER GROUND.
I fear so much. It trembled everybody. Who wouldn't? Who would want to lose a job at this time where it is a pinhole to find a good one. But in times like this, I know where I can turn to...where it has been my refuge to find solace and security from this seemingly unsecured circumstances. For every single person has different circumstances in life at the same and varying times...that in the end, is worth thanking for why such circumstances happen.
I hang on to Him. I stand still about the future for it has been already laid upon His hands if we believe. And His promises are worth believing.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Resolutions for 2009
I'm not really a new-year's-resolution person. Although, I have tried that before, I haven't been so serious about it. I used to jot down what I would like to accomplish, to erradicate, to lessen or minimize for the next coming year. But, I ended up being dismayed at the fact that only a few from the list of what they call 'resolutions' have been ticked.
But, this time, just to revive this old habit, I will write down a list for 2009. This time around, with the hope that every single item from the list will be ticked as accomplished. Let me see. So here it goes...
1. Don't stay up very late, especially on weekdays. Take advantage of the opportunity to have a decent sleep other people are deprived of. It's good for your health and beauty...(beauty tip ito! heheh)
2. Minimize being an impulsive buyer and a shopaholic monster. Think, think, think before you buy. Tip: when you go to the mall, don't bring large amount of money and don't bring credit cards, I think that would help to beat the itch.
3. Drink a lot of water. I'm not sure how many liters of water is ideal for or needed by the body in one single day. All I know is that it's a lot and I have not been religious about it..sure I ain't...So, cheers to more fluids!
4. Stop drinking...(as in beer, spirits or any form of liquor)...even on occasions...If I could...heheh!
5. Eat less meat and go for more veggies and salads...Be more health-conscious.
6. Do sit-ups more often...like a decent count twice a week...that would do.
7. Go back to badminton game every friday afternoon.
8. Familiarize by heart the map of UAE, the geographical site and location of each emirates with regard to each other.
9. Memorize by heart the capitals of the 50 states of the US. char, char lang...additional knowledge.
10. Enrol in Photography class. Kareer-rin ito, who knows, may future pa pala ako dito, heheh!
11. Try Dubai ski, as in skiing talaga he,not just the riding-on-the-sled thing...
12. Haven't been to Dreamland, so I wanna splurge there.
13. Buffet lunch at the 7-star, Burj Al Arab.
14. Have my second annual vacation to the Philippines and a side trip to HK and Australia. My HS friend is soon migrating to the Land Down Under and I'll beg her to adopt me while I'm there. heheh!
15. Adopt more moi-moi's (to add to my brood of monkey stuffed toys).
16. Warch more classical movies, like of Audrey Hepburn
17. Call more often to my family in the Philippines.
18. Be more open, outspoken, sweet, carefree, a little less reserved but still maintain honesty.
19. Lessen ang pagiging suplada and mataray
20. I'm not really the friendly type, so I hope to be one. I guess there's no harm in it.
21. Save, save, save..before we know it's raining.
22. Invest to something that never depreciates.
23. Has anybody tried yoga class in Dubai? I'd love to try yoga...it's good not only for the body but also for the mind.
24. Laugh out loud.
25. Get over!
26. Learn to accept.
27. Say sorry to that one person i hurt so much before it's too late.
28. Reconnect myself to the Lord. Feed my malnourished spirituality.
29. Retreat...spend more quiet time in conversation with the Him.
30. Blog more often eventhough I sometimes feel that blogging is boring but for me, it has been a very helpful tool, especially when I have a lot of thoughts in my head and by writing them down can I somehow feel a sense of relief.
31. Read more more books from novels to inspirational to political to cook books. Just anything.
32. Read the Bible and know it by heart. True wisdom comes from it.
33. Make a difference through simple things.
34. Cook food so I don't need to depend to Brod Luths all the time.
35. Take driving lessons and get a license.
36. Submit L1 visa application, be granted and fly to US for a project.
37. Go to Turkey for the '09 Eid.
38. Reunion with XU Accountancy '01 and '02 in Dubai.
39. Smile more often.
40. Try bunjee jumping and sky diving, if there are such thing in here in Dubai.
41. Go to Atlantis in Palm Jumeirah
42. Watch more movies in the big screen
43. Learn the 'healing brush' of photoshop.
44. Re-join with OG.
45. Be more spontaneous in my praying.
46. Finish Stephenie Meyer's vampire romance series New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
47. Read more Paulo Coelho.
48. Watch concerts of any foreign artists visiting in Dubai (or Philippines)
49. IPod is out, IPod Touch is in. I want new IPod Touch.
50. A white-colored-strap watch.
51. A new SLR lens. OMG! I'm still the same materialistic bitch.
52. Try extreme ride.
53. Improve my english speaking. Learn accent. Be fluent.
54. Learn new words and vocabulary.
55. Study the materials I have for the CMA exam. Whew! This is the toughest. :-(
56. Go to Boracay or Panglao beach.
57. Go to Bohol, tour around and meet my paternal relatives.
58. Candlelight dinner.
59. Receive a flower.
60. Meet Papa Piolo in person and see why are so many girls (and boys) go gaga over him.
61. A happy Christmas and New Year!
There are items here which are not really resolutions, but more of a fantastic dream. Heheh! Let them be. They are something to look forward to at 2009 end, whether they ever come true or not. If yes, yes!!! If no, there are more years to come to carry them over. Still, there are some here which are pretty tough to do and not to do. It's only week one and yet i feel i've already fallen off the wagon. Tsk, tsk tsk...
But, this time, just to revive this old habit, I will write down a list for 2009. This time around, with the hope that every single item from the list will be ticked as accomplished. Let me see. So here it goes...
1. Don't stay up very late, especially on weekdays. Take advantage of the opportunity to have a decent sleep other people are deprived of. It's good for your health and beauty...(beauty tip ito! heheh)
2. Minimize being an impulsive buyer and a shopaholic monster. Think, think, think before you buy. Tip: when you go to the mall, don't bring large amount of money and don't bring credit cards, I think that would help to beat the itch.
3. Drink a lot of water. I'm not sure how many liters of water is ideal for or needed by the body in one single day. All I know is that it's a lot and I have not been religious about it..sure I ain't...So, cheers to more fluids!
4. Stop drinking...(as in beer, spirits or any form of liquor)...even on occasions...If I could...heheh!
5. Eat less meat and go for more veggies and salads...Be more health-conscious.
6. Do sit-ups more often...like a decent count twice a week...that would do.
7. Go back to badminton game every friday afternoon.
8. Familiarize by heart the map of UAE, the geographical site and location of each emirates with regard to each other.
9. Memorize by heart the capitals of the 50 states of the US. char, char lang...additional knowledge.
10. Enrol in Photography class. Kareer-rin ito, who knows, may future pa pala ako dito, heheh!
11. Try Dubai ski, as in skiing talaga he,not just the riding-on-the-sled thing...
12. Haven't been to Dreamland, so I wanna splurge there.
13. Buffet lunch at the 7-star, Burj Al Arab.
14. Have my second annual vacation to the Philippines and a side trip to HK and Australia. My HS friend is soon migrating to the Land Down Under and I'll beg her to adopt me while I'm there. heheh!
15. Adopt more moi-moi's (to add to my brood of monkey stuffed toys).
16. Warch more classical movies, like of Audrey Hepburn
17. Call more often to my family in the Philippines.
18. Be more open, outspoken, sweet, carefree, a little less reserved but still maintain honesty.
19. Lessen ang pagiging suplada and mataray
20. I'm not really the friendly type, so I hope to be one. I guess there's no harm in it.
21. Save, save, save..before we know it's raining.
22. Invest to something that never depreciates.
23. Has anybody tried yoga class in Dubai? I'd love to try yoga...it's good not only for the body but also for the mind.
24. Laugh out loud.
25. Get over!
26. Learn to accept.
27. Say sorry to that one person i hurt so much before it's too late.
28. Reconnect myself to the Lord. Feed my malnourished spirituality.
29. Retreat...spend more quiet time in conversation with the Him.
30. Blog more often eventhough I sometimes feel that blogging is boring but for me, it has been a very helpful tool, especially when I have a lot of thoughts in my head and by writing them down can I somehow feel a sense of relief.
31. Read more more books from novels to inspirational to political to cook books. Just anything.
32. Read the Bible and know it by heart. True wisdom comes from it.
33. Make a difference through simple things.
34. Cook food so I don't need to depend to Brod Luths all the time.
35. Take driving lessons and get a license.
36. Submit L1 visa application, be granted and fly to US for a project.
37. Go to Turkey for the '09 Eid.
38. Reunion with XU Accountancy '01 and '02 in Dubai.
39. Smile more often.
40. Try bunjee jumping and sky diving, if there are such thing in here in Dubai.
41. Go to Atlantis in Palm Jumeirah
42. Watch more movies in the big screen
43. Learn the 'healing brush' of photoshop.
44. Re-join with OG.
45. Be more spontaneous in my praying.
46. Finish Stephenie Meyer's vampire romance series New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
47. Read more Paulo Coelho.
48. Watch concerts of any foreign artists visiting in Dubai (or Philippines)
49. IPod is out, IPod Touch is in. I want new IPod Touch.
50. A white-colored-strap watch.
51. A new SLR lens. OMG! I'm still the same materialistic bitch.
52. Try extreme ride.
53. Improve my english speaking. Learn accent. Be fluent.
54. Learn new words and vocabulary.
55. Study the materials I have for the CMA exam. Whew! This is the toughest. :-(
56. Go to Boracay or Panglao beach.
57. Go to Bohol, tour around and meet my paternal relatives.
58. Candlelight dinner.
59. Receive a flower.
60. Meet Papa Piolo in person and see why are so many girls (and boys) go gaga over him.
61. A happy Christmas and New Year!
There are items here which are not really resolutions, but more of a fantastic dream. Heheh! Let them be. They are something to look forward to at 2009 end, whether they ever come true or not. If yes, yes!!! If no, there are more years to come to carry them over. Still, there are some here which are pretty tough to do and not to do. It's only week one and yet i feel i've already fallen off the wagon. Tsk, tsk tsk...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Welcome 2009
At the start of 2008, I received a gift…a very special gift. In fact, I was the happiest person on Earth to have ever received that present. I was happy…then. But, one year and everything in between, was enough for me to make me realized that what I perceived could be a nirvana, was only a dream. One year was full of asking…questioning…wondering…guessing, in cyclical manner…and which I could describe the vagueness as closed to being apparent…and that it is hard to believe and hope for something that isn't there, without truth in substance but lies. In the end, God has a way of REVEALING to me all the answers to the why’s and what’s I sought so hungrily, crystal clear. Now, it signifies a full stop. THEN…move forward…because no matter how and no matter what…dot…dot…dot…Life cannot be lived backwards. Our solace…the never-ending lessons in life…and the experience that can we can share that once in our lifetime, we have traveled that road…no one did.
For this brand new year…2009…I welcome YOU with a blast!!! I bid goodbye to 2008…which when you look back are only shadows from the past. There were times, you are challenged to hold back tears. Many things have caused you hurt deep inside and nursing those cuts and bruises, was all you could do… Now I see a lot of scars in my heart and I don’t know if they will ever be healed even through time…because I know that wounds do not heal fast…and the scars that they left, just like the physical scars in my body…will remain, I think, as long as I live.
But, hey, it’s time to make a fresh start. A happy start. I am hopeful that 2009 will turn direction and change its course away from negative implications from the year that just passed. I pray to my Father that I will finally grasp that utopic happiness, if there could be such a thing. I pray that God will give our deepest desires. I pray that whatever it is that should be found…I will find.
And I couldn’t end this without giving praise and thanksgiving to my Father for being my source of spiritual strength. No amount of words can encapsulate how I thank you for blessing me with your powerful grace. In everything I do, I long to do it for your glory!
For this brand new year…2009…I welcome YOU with a blast!!! I bid goodbye to 2008…which when you look back are only shadows from the past. There were times, you are challenged to hold back tears. Many things have caused you hurt deep inside and nursing those cuts and bruises, was all you could do… Now I see a lot of scars in my heart and I don’t know if they will ever be healed even through time…because I know that wounds do not heal fast…and the scars that they left, just like the physical scars in my body…will remain, I think, as long as I live.
But, hey, it’s time to make a fresh start. A happy start. I am hopeful that 2009 will turn direction and change its course away from negative implications from the year that just passed. I pray to my Father that I will finally grasp that utopic happiness, if there could be such a thing. I pray that God will give our deepest desires. I pray that whatever it is that should be found…I will find.
And I couldn’t end this without giving praise and thanksgiving to my Father for being my source of spiritual strength. No amount of words can encapsulate how I thank you for blessing me with your powerful grace. In everything I do, I long to do it for your glory!
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