One quiet day

I couldn't come out from my bed. My mind is so unwilling. Why the sudden change of mind? I was only supposed to go to office late (thanks to babaita's long absence--by this, we can always come after or leave before the usual hour) but found myself assaulted (yet again) by my enemy -- laziness. Isn't this so familiar? Surely, it isn't like a good momentum to start swinging.

My roommates move past their usual business, as I tend to my own which is, of course, to sleep as if it's a normal weekend. But hey, the week is not even going to be over! Wake up, wake up! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I'm not sick. I'm feeling just fine. I'm just pretending to be, in case somebody in the office would care to ask. And I can't think of any other better excuse. So, please excuse me!

Now, I'm alone. And happy to have this privilege to be alone. I've wanted to spend sometime alone, in a silent and cozy place, away from my daily hassle. I even thought of looking for some retreat house here in dubai (like lots in the phils) where I could spend the whole day, not necessarily praying, but just sitting in meditation. I just recently learned and realized the difference between meditating and praying. In praying, you talk to your listener. While in meditation, you are listening to your own mind and heart in silence.

Well, at least I find the room untypically quiet now. But, cozy? Don't even think twice. It always has been a messy room (iron on the bed, hangers everywhere, unfolded blankets scattered on bed-- mine #1) that, like a hard disk on a computer, needs some kind of defragmentation. But at the moment, this would do. I only need some sweeping the fallen hair particles off the floor.

I lay a towel on the floor (couldn't find a proper mat) then sit in cross-legged position (simplest yoga position, i think), hands placed above the limbs between lower and upper legs, then start closing my eyes.

I try to feel the silence for a moment then suddenly feel eerie. My mind is uncooperative to concentrate. It's weird. I haven't really tried this before that's why I was not anticipating for a successful attempt. My mind couldn't even finally choose a time, place or memory to begin with. All I could see is that my mind is in a battlefield where phases of my own memory try to overlap with each other. I couldn't contain it, otherwise I will explode in exhaustion. With optimism, I try to give it another shot but to no avail. I can't really concentrate. Do I ever know how to meditate? Do I ever know how to listen to my own heart? I wonder why some people were so expert in this kind of transcendental journey. I really gotta learn. I want someone to teach me how to do it properly. It's not that all easy I thought it would be.

I close my eyes once again. Shift to more comfortable position. But this time, I start talking instead (I mean not talking like an insane person.) This is what I love doing, but never doing it anyway as much as I would love to and should have to. I guess, it's always the enemy's fault.

By the way, today is my father's birthday, a very old age at 75. The course of my talking resonates every part of him. Better health. Longer life. Happiness. Forgiveness. Love. Simply long live!!!